Birth Story

This is long (and took me almost as long to write as my actual labor) and it's probably boring and I really don't care if no one reads it, but I want it for myself and I know some people were interested. Disclaimer- while the pictures show no actual nudity, they aren't exactly G-rated. I love these pictures and that Kelli was able to be there to take them, so if you don't want to see them, don't look!

Wednesday night I woke up the normal amount to go to the bathroom and change positions, and then at some point couldn't go back to sleep. I lay in bed for hours hoping by some miracle I would be able to zonk out, but by 6am, I woke up Hyrum and asked him to bring me breakfast down (He says he should have known something was up because I hate breakfast in bed). I had been having some menstrual type cramping around my low back and low belly that started when I was lying awake and just generally didn't feel well. It would be somewhat consistent for an hour or two and then go away and come back an hour or so later for the rest of the morning/afternoon. I was able to nap for an hour after Hy went to work and when I got up for good I had a tiny bit of bloody show. I had a prenatal appt that afternoon so I figured I'd ask them what they thought, but I was getting excited.

Later that afternoon, the cramps started becoming more consistent, anywhere between 5-10 minutes apart. I still didn't really believe I was in labor, but thought it might be possible. I went to a primary activity but just sat on the side and watched. For the most part, I watched tv shows online and surfed the net all day, I didn't feel like doing anything. Later that evening, the contractions started getting more painful and more consistent. At about 10pm we filled the birth pool and got in. Contractions were between 2-5 minutes and had been for a few hours. I didn't think it was necessary for the midwives to come yet, but we did end up calling them around midnight I think, because Hyrum insisted. The hours seemed to go really fast; I was amazed by how much time had passed whenever I asked. I was checked around 1am and was fully effaced and 3-4cm. That was encouraging, and we all thought we'd have a baby by the afternoon. I don't really remember much of what we did that night. Labored in the pool mostly, but we stayed in the basement which we had set up as our birthing area. I was having back labor, and everyone took turns rubbing my back, applying pressure, or using a vibrating massager on me. At some point, M (the midwife) told us that Hyrum was snoring while still rubbing my back. I must have been out of it, because I totally don't remember that.










That morning, I was checked again at around 10. By how I was acting and feeling, they thought I might be at around a 7 or 8. I was still a 4, but didn't find out until later because I didn't want to know right then (and heard the midwife tell her assistant later). To know that nothing had really changed was hard, but I was hoping if I moved around more that it might help. First they suggested we try to get a little rest after being up all night. They arranged me on our lovesac (think huge bean bag) with a bunch of pillows, and J (the midwife assistant/doula) sat next to me. Hyrum went to take a nap in our bedroom and I was able to doze for about 1 1/2 hours in between contractions, while J would rub my back during them. I spent the rest of the day laboring on the stairs, in the pool, in the shower, on the birth ball, on the toilet, standing and leaning on Hyrum or J, pretty much anywhere but the bed which generally made the contractions come with no break whatsoever in between. I listened to my ipod and hummed along with the song Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright.


That afternoon, I was still a 4. At this point, my midwife started talking about transferring to the hospital and said I would be a good candidate for an epidural since it would let me get some rest and might help my body relax enough to dilate. Hyrum and I talked about it, but I was still hoping I might progress and that I was just having a really long labor. We decided to stay, and the midwives left for a little while for dinner/check on another client (she wasn't in labor, it was a postpartum check -up or something). Kelli left to do a photo shoot, but was only gone a few hours. Hyrum was getting pretty tired, especially his hands with all the pressure/rubbing my back needed, so he had Kelli find us a massage therapist that would come to your house. She showed up and took over my back for an hour or so.




The midwives came back and M checked me sometime around 7pm. She said the bag of waters was bulging and that had stretched me to a 5-6. By the way, getting checked was excruciating. I don't know why, but it was. Again, they thought I should try to get some rest and suggested some herbs and things to help slow the contractions and ease the pain. One thing they did is sterile water injections. They basically inject water just under the skin on my lower back. No idea how it works or why, but it helped a ton for a while. By 9:15pm we had done the herbs or whatever it was they gave me, and they went upstairs to leave us alone. Kelli was on her computer, Hyrum was sitting on the ground, and I was kneeling in the pool. At 9:26pm, all 3 of us heard a really loud POP. I looked up surprised and said "I think my water just broke." Kelli said something like, "Um yeah, I heard that!" So much for relaxing! I moved to my hands and knees and a few minutes later felt the baby turn around. We started getting excited because it seemed like things would finally start moving along. Everything goes faster once your water breaks, right?




The contractions continued to get harder and harder and I started having several back to back and then 2-3 minutes between the series. I couldn't tell that the contraction had ended until the next one started. It was miserable. They tried the water injections again, but I don't think they worked this time. I had been feeling rectal pressure since early friday morning, but now it became almost as bad (or just as bad) as the back labor. For a while it was all I noticed. I started telling Hyrum that I couldn't keep doing this for another day or more knowing that I wasn't progressing and having no idea how much longer it would last. We started talking about transferring again, and I agreed to be checked one more time. I decided that I needed to be at an 8 in order to stay home (because I thought I had been a 6 seven hours earlier). This time when M said "No change", J replied "still a 4?" and M said "yes". After hearing that, there was no question in my mind that we were going to the hospital.

Kelli started rushing around to get a few things together because I wouldn't let Hyrum leave me. Hyrum and I drove to the hospital and Kelli and J followed in their cars, while M stayed and emptied the birth pool. When we got there, there was another couple checking in and we had to wait several minutes for them to finish. I don't think she was in labor at all, she didn't seem to have a single contraction the whole time, and it annoyed me that check in person was taking so long! Do people get induced on saturdays? We finally got checked in and went into the first room.
After a little while we made it up to L&D and before too long the anesthesiologist came in and gave me an epidural. He was very cranky, but everyone else was really great. We agreed to start pitocin along with the epi. J left, Kelli went to a wedding she was shooting a few hours away, and Hyrum and I went to sleep. I only slept for about 3 hours before I woke up. I had to have Hyrum and the nurse switch me from side to side every hour or so because one side would be really numb and the other would start to get feeling in it. I was checked late that morning, and the midwife said I was 5 cm, however the fluids made my cervix swell and I was no longer 100 effaced. Hyrum later told me that based on how she said it or acted or something, he thinks that was a mercy centimeter and I really wasn't. Hearing that I was 5 was nice though. We talked with the midwife how we would like the birth to go and what we didn't want for the baby afterward.

Hyrum went home to grab a few things and got Wendy's. I think it's stupid that they don't allow women to eat, so he snuck me some chicken nuggets, fries, and a frosty. It tasted so good. He also brought a neighbor so they could give me a blessing. Afterward, we both really felt like it would end in a cesarean, but we didn't tell the other until the next day. We ate and talked for a while. My pitocin had been turned all the way up, but the internal monitor on my uterus said that the contractions weren't getting strong. I was told they are supposed to be at least 60-80, but they weren't going higher than 30-40 (Hyrum was very interested in what units these numbers were in, but we never figured it out). They turned down the pit I think because Claire wasn't handling them well (though the midwife lied to me at the time and said she was doing fine. In my doped up state I said, "the baby has been doing great the whole time, huh?" And she hesitated, and then said yes. I'm fine with it though, it was nice to not get me all worried!). After they turned it down, she did better and never had another problem, though I think the pit was gradually turned up again later.

Around 2pm I think, the OB on call came in with the midwife to talk about doing a cesarean. He was really sweet and said that he hates when it the ones that never wanted one, end up with one, and how he often has to talk women out of elective c-sections. They told us that just because the baby was doing well at this point, didn't mean she would continue to be ok and since my contractions weren't doing much and I still wasn't dilating, they would like to schedule the surgery before it became an emergency situation. He checked me one more time (still no progress) and did an ultrasound to make sure Claire was indeed in the poor position that we thought she was (she was). They then left to give us time to talk about it, and we called our homebirth midwife to see what she thought. M agreed with the hospital midwife and OB and after we got off the phone, we called them back in and said ok. We had to convince them to wait longer than they wanted because we were hoping Kelli could get back from the wedding and be there for the birth. We all agreed to 5pm and they turned off my pitocin and left us alone.

Hyrum and I cried together.

The OB came in a little while later and told us the surgery would need to be moved up because if we waited until 5 then it would happen during shift change. We called Kelli and told her to hurry! We talked with the two men that would be doing the cesarean about the risks etc and the paper work I had to sign, and we discussed our desire for a future VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) to assure they cut in a way that would allow for that. I'm pretty sure they tend to do it that way anyway, but I wanted to make sure. Hyrum did some fancy lying to get Kelli in to see the birth (see the beginning of this post) and kept calling to see where she was because they weren't going to wait. Kelli came running into the room breathless, just as they were about to prep me for surgery. Hyrum was brought his marshmallow man, one-piece paper outfit and Kelli her cute Grey's Anatomy green scrubs. When I was ready, they wheeled me down to the operating room.
As I was laying on the table, they were poking me to make sure I was numb. There was a small area on the lower right side of my belly that I could still kind of feel, and that area has remained more tender than the rest while healing. I'm not sure if they just decided to go ahead because it was far enough from where they were cutting, but I don't think it was ever completely numb. I was given lots of doses of the epidural (I could feel the coldness running through my veins) throughout. Hyrum told me when they started cutting, and I was doing ok for a while. However, the pulling and "pressure" was much more violent than I was expecting (but I wouldn't call it painful). When the baby's head was pulled out, Kelli and Hyrum started laughing and saying what a chubby baby it was. I thought she was all the way out and kept asking what it was or what was going on (ie: where in the process were they), and Hyrum told me he didn't know, he could only see the head! A few minutes later several people (I think) called out "It's a girl!" The OB tried to show her to me over the curtain, but I didn't see her face. Hyrum just stood there with a huge smile on his face and I had to remind him that he was supposed to go and be with her!
Hyrum left to be with Claire and they started putting me back together. That's when air got under my diaphragm (pretty common during surgery) and pain radiated up to my collarbone. It was excruciating and I had a hard time breathing. I also started started to shake uncontrollably and the warming blankets on my arms kept falling off. Every five minutes I would ask how much longer, and knowing the exact number of minutes is what kept me from having a total panic attack, but I was pretty close. At one point, the OB said "Don't worry, you'll feel better in a minute once we put your uterus back inside." Not exactly the comforting sentiment he probably thought it was. Hyrum brought Claire over to see me and I got to touch her for a few minutes. Once they were done, Claire was put into my bed beside me, and they wheeled us to recovery.

Recovery has been hard, physically and emotionally. I wasn't able to lie flat on my back for a week without feeling like my collarbone had been broken. And just in the last week or so has walking gotten a lot easier. Combined with the nursing problems which contributed to the lack of sleep and my fragile mental state, I had a rough first few weeks and spent much of the time crying. I know that homebirth is not for everyone. I know that without modern medicine that Claire and I might not be here. I know how blessed we are to have a healthy baby that we got to take home. But that doesn't mean I haven't planned and hoped and dreamed of this birth for years. It doesn't mean that it doesn't still hurt. My sweet baby girl is perfect and beautiful and healthy and she just wasn't going to come out on her own. My mind knows this and knows that it's ok, but my heart is sad. I'm confident in the decisions we made, in how long we stayed home and when we transferred. I would do it again even if I knew how it would end. I will always have questions that will never be answered, but it's getting better. I have the sweetest little girl that gives me the most gorgeous smiles, and I can't imagine loving her any more.